Log in

No account? Create an account
c'est déjà le crépuscule [entries|friends|calendar]

[ website | visions of a dreamscape ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[27 May 2005|02:16am]

Journal is Friends Only, comment to be added here. but, i have moved. :P
6 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[27 May 2005|01:56am]
[ mood | accomplished ]

hello all.

due to certain issues and in view of my privacy. i have moved and kikoenai will become a "friends only" journal, where i will still  use to make my updates on icons and such.

for people who, actually know my journal and have been reading me, but are not using an lj, i'm sorry. i have moved.
to everyone on my darling flist, you all will know where i am now. *kiisu*

oh and min and the girls, i will let you guys know. *lub* <3


8 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[26 May 2005|04:33am]
[ mood | content ]

n___n, my eyes feel weird. they feel, drunk? lol~ no, i didn't drink today, fagged a little though. >_<"

i think it's my body's way of telling me to sleep. but since, i'm never really a good girl and i never sleep until i'm really tired. i'll not give in to it until awhile.

Anyone watches American Idol? lol, i'm rooting for Bo Bice. he's pretty hot. i love his voice. I think Carrie's a good singer, but she's hmm.. common? the common kind of singer, imo. like she does what alot of singers do, sing. Bo performs. ^^

hmmm, i am contemplating waking up at 8am my time to catch the Live Telecast of the results, but i guess i could put it off till 3. but aww... *pouts*

i got to speak to Kristine for awhile, before she, hmm got disconnected? hmm. *kiisu* i love her, lots.
and i miss Tali's presence. u___u

i have to meet up with my previous church's youth leader tmr. i don't really want to, because there are some questions i don't want to answer, not because i'm afraid, but because there isn't a need to. but i have to, because if i don't they'll bug me forever. :( saddenning isn't it? well, at least i get to chill! ^^

i still want to read UGH. where is the end of it? i want to know the ending.. oh my, do you even know the hot, hot hot sex they have in there? *blush*

4 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[25 May 2005|05:44pm]
[ mood | horny ]

damn! i read Under Grand Hotel and its so so good. ^^ faye-chan sent it to me. butbutbut... u_u i think the series hasn't ended and i can't figure out how to try downloading on mirc.

faye-chan! i need heeeelp! i'm so hooked now.

i'm like asdfklskdnjdlasnn!yaoi-withdrawal symptoms!

7 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[24 May 2005|03:09am]
[ mood | nerdy ]

a buncha memes. :p

this, stolen from rebirthdream

Total volume of music files on my computer
1.95 gb. which it isn't a whole lot, particularly cus i don't listen to anything too poppish, neither do i really listen to anything my ears don't fancy and i burn out alot of stuff. lol~ okay, i'm picky.

The last CD I bought
i didn't buy any since what was that SMILE, L'Arc En Ciel. But the latest came as a gift, The Phantom Of The Opera OST, which i would have bought.

Song playing right now
HYDE - Prayer.

Five songs that mean a lot to me
1)"Harusaki Sentimental" - Plastic Tree.
the music is beautiful and so are the lyrics. i get emotional when i listen to this song, at times it fills me with such lush imagery, i can practically see someone walking through endless rows of cherry blossom trees, reminiscing about a love, lost. at times, it just makes me want to cry. its a lonely song, i guess, a lonely, yet hopeful song.
n brilliant colour and sound the cherry blossoms bloom.
our hands, once linked, draw further apart. Spilling towards me, a thousand wishes.
if you look up, you'll see the spring flowers fall..."

2)"Fate" - L'Arc En Ciel
one of my favorite laruku songs, i love this song, the lyrics are perhaps what i feel alot, oh yes and the angst-riden music. ^^

3)"Dui Bu Qi, Qo Ai Ni" - Liang Jing Ru ("i'm sorry, but i'm in love with you")
i love alot of her songs, the lyrics aren't by her, but she brings it with such emotion. this song means alot to me, because thats how i see being in love with someone is like, sometimes you dont' have to want anything in return, you just want to say it to that person, "hey, i'm in love with you". and then they can go and take it however they want, because your feelings afterall, are yours to keep.

4)"A Silent Letter" - L'Arc En Ciel
read title? nuf' said.

5)"Last Dance" - The Cure
i love this song. the cure, amazing imagery about being reunited with a long lost love, for the last time. and although things aren't the same anymore... "and even if we drink, i don't think we would kiss, in the way that we did when a woman was only a girl..."

Pass the baton to five people

there. :P

and this, from jinjja

01. Reply with your name and I will write something about you.
02. I will then tell what song/movie remind me of you.
03. If I were to apply an o'clock to you, it would be...
04. I will try to name a single word that best describes you.
05. I'll tell you the most memorable moment I've had with you.
06. I will tell you what animal you remind me of.
07. I'll then tell you something that I've always wondered about you.



13 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[23 May 2005|07:18pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

i hate period cramps.

i look pale, ugly and positively haggard. i'm loosing blood and i have a horrid temper to boot.

just yuck.

i hate periods.

where is my lightsabre...
hmm... who wants to catch star wars with me. and kingdom or heaven. and last qurater... again? :P

omg, i hate loosing blood.

6 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[18 May 2005|05:39pm]
[ mood | pissed off ]


i'm still feeling unsettled. lol.

today we took our exams, and this dude was in my seat. i went up to him to say that was my seat and he went "so?" with an almost as equivalent fucked up face.

because of that, my classmate got a little pissed off so she told him again that it was my seat. after that they got to a little tiff, where my classmate was saying in mandarin how he was sitting in my seat and all that. the dude, though malay understood chinese and when my classmate said that she knew he did but she couldn't care less he got up and started swearing. very loudly of course, and he threatened to fight with her, or anyone else. saying "if you're not happy, we'll settle this later".

i took my exam in another room, eventually and when i was done, i went downstairs to see my classmate beaten up. and the dude, gone.

apparently she had tried to talk to him nicely, and he whacked her head against the wall, about 3 times. get this, yes you are reading about a guy hitting a girl. though yan is a butch, but she's still a girl.

i abhore men who hit women, and over such a tiny matter like this. perhaps we're gonna take it to the cops. but i've heard about the dude having some sort of problem at home. it wasn't right at all for him to hit someone, even if he had some other problem, it isn't an excuse. so maybe he flared... but... yan had a swollen head, all that just because he flared?

i don't know, on one hand, i think even if this gets into a police case, good for him, serves him right. you hit someone, you pay for the consequences. on one hand i think that perhaps the consequences may be too much to bear, what if he goes to jail... what about his family. but then in the first place, if you know you have a family thats waiting for you to look after them you freakin' think about your actions and the consequences, you don't hit someone over a chair.

i still ultimately think that family problems aren't an excuse and if yan's family decide to charge him or if they make a police report and the police charges him, either way he's pretty much a goner.
but we're still classmates why turn matters to such huge issues?

yan wasn't wrong, he was in my seat, he wasn't wrong either, he could have answered in a nicer way. his wrong wasn't because he sat in my place, it was his own fucked up attitude to begin with.

i don't know how this will end up, but we're all classmates, however this ends up it won't be nice.
thankfully, yan didn't hit him back, it wouldn't be to her aid if she did.


and i kinda told other one of my classmates off because of this. he was saying "i don't even want to bother myself with this, its because they're childish thats why they fought. i don't even want to care."

i told him, we're all friends, even not close, yan is your friend. the least you can do is ask about her, not say shit like this.
that dude didn't even bother to ask, and i don't care if you don't care about her, just don't say things like this when you dont' have a clue whats going on. who are you to call someone childish when you don't exactly act mature either.
so in that case, if it was him who was quite helplessly getting his head rammed against the wall, are we all just gonna walk off saying thats childish, even though its your friend?

i hope karma is real and everyone gets what they've given someone else.



16 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[18 May 2005|04:08am]
[ mood | bitchy ]

um... so, i'm feeling rather unsettled. i don't know how to explain this.
ummm... sou, one of my friends ne... her mum has breast cancer, its in its very early stage, but still i'm worried. i think i'm unsettled for this reason. i won't say who, because i don't know if anyone else knows yet. but i'm dying to let it out, i have to just... yeah, i have to let it out in any way, because if i don't i'll screw myself over.

it makes me want to laugh at people who think they're screwed over or people who whine at slightest problems, like for example, a problem with their vehicle. i want to put my hands on their cheeks, perhaps slap them about a bit before laughing in their face, because i don't want to know, my heart has no space for a stupid vehicle. i have better things to be unsettled about.

right now as i type this, i feel like i'm being plauged with the insistent whining and the constant questions. to be frank, i don't have to answer those questions, i'm just being nice. don't ask me why i shared a cab home with another male colleague, don't ask me if work with him was fun, don't ask me how was the ride home with that guy. don't ask me if i took your friend's bike home today, don't tell me what you think, because what you think isn't always right. no one's obliged to see me home, i can go home myself, don't ask me why i don't call you up to pick me. i don't have to be picked, if i want to i can and i will head home myself. you like me, thats your problem not mine, i don't have to answer to you about who i go out with, whose company i enjoy, this new male colleague, or that other colleague, for that matter, i don't care who, they're all colleagues anyway, none of them is to my fancy. rides with colleagues are just rides with colleagues. as yet you're a friend, not just a colleague, don't ever make me say this to your face. yes, and you won't even read this anyway, because i don't think you're important enough for me to tell you i have a journal. i'm not yours, don't try.

that being said, while you whine about minor things, why don't you look at the more major things in life, there is more to this world than your vehicle.
sadly, i do feel that getting moody over a vehicle is something my dad would do. and most things my dad does, are just plain childish. 
i'm sorry if anyone feels this is mockery. i'm not mocking anyone, i just think that yes, you can feel upset, but it isn't the biggest issue, the world has not ended, time will not stop for you like that, there are other things that are happening that can cause bigger sorrow and yet people are facing it with much more vigor. face your minor problem, there is a way through it.


okay, now that i'm done with that, i have icons for you all.
i haven't done this in a long time.. bear with me if i've lost touch, it isn't exactly fantastic.

iconizedCollapse )

10 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[16 May 2005|03:14am]
[ mood | chipper ]

meme thingy Ryu-kun said to take. :p

1) Total number of films I own on DVD/video:
lol~ i'm not really a dvd/video person. i always say i want to get it, but i always forget to do so
The Crow III
Fulltime Killers
From Hell
A Fighter's Blues
The Era of Vampires
Teaching Mrs. Tingle
A Knight's Tale
Kagen no Tsuki

lol~ i know my list sucks. i have no idea why i bought some of them either. I'm only really proud of The Crow III, aside from Kagen and Moonchild.

but i'm honest that these aren't the movies i would catch... i have taste... really i do... *meeps around* lol!

2)The last film I bought:
Kagen no Tsuki~Last Quarter

3) Last film I watched:
sadly, horror flick "Infection"

4) Five films that I watch a lot or that mean a lot to me:
-Swing Girls
-that robbin williams(i think) show with a high school band, and then his son goes deaf. i can't remember. but it always makes me cry
-Whats eating Gilbert Grape
-Lord of the rings trilogy
-The Phantom of the Opera

5) Tag five people who have to do this meme:
hmm since like everyone's done it already... and i was slow in reading the tag lol~
i give everyone up! ^^ see, i'm nice~ :P

now, lets see how i will killCollapse )

Kristine has a suprise for me. ^^ i'm anxious, i want to know what is it, but she wouldn't tell but... *fiddles hands* awwwww.... ^^ isn't it sweet to know someone has a suprise for you? ^^ i love surpises! XD i love you lots hun! ^^

and i'm finally done with my website project, the mall is imaginery and it isn't fantastic. but go look at it, all of you! ^^
The Rainbow Connection

10 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[10 May 2005|03:38am]
[ mood | cheerful ]

Kagen no Tsuki ~ Last Quarter premieres in Singapore 12th May!!!


OMG! yes! its finally here, Hyde on big screen! YAY!
when this is the closest you get to seeing your favorite artiste, on tv or in the flesh, you take desperate mesures.

whoring the Last Quarter billboardCollapse )

saturday was feli's birthday celebration and we all went pubbing... and sam went! lol~ new friends :p

piccasationCollapse )

and erm... mother's day ne... sou... i gave my mum a pendant and a chain, complete with engravings, "mum, i love you".

thats my mum, my sis and me. lol~ we don't even look like each other. lol!
i don't look like my sister, and i don't look like mum. how odd. :p

today ne... we all went out to eat, cus today's feli's actual birthday, saturday was the celebration. max was having gastric pains, so i bought him meds, and told feli to pass it to him and not to say its from me. i'm not really a coward, lol, i admit its cowardly but my starting point isn't cowardice.
its just that somethings can be left unsaid. i don't often get a chance to do things for him, now things are quite strange between us. given his character, he might not have accepted it if he knew i had bought it, not because he doesn't even "like" me as a friend, but because its awkward.
i don't want things to be anymore worse off than it is, and its a expected reaction i think, for me, to want to buy his painkillers when he has gastrics, so i just did.

its hard though, i think, on one hand you wish that he'd know and he'd be so touched that you did go out of your way to buy those. i really did go out of my way, i guess, i walked to another building just to get him those stuff. but on one hand, my buying the medicine, isn't because i want some kind of gratitude, but sheer concern.

but it makes me happy, to be able to do that. ne?

that was my past few days summarized. lol~ now be good and wish me luck for the Lasy Quarter contest. ;P
everyone in singapore, reading this, go watch the movie. :)

11 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[08 May 2005|03:55am]
[ mood | head hurts ]


my head hurts.

hnn, i don't think my head hurts more than my friend, i think she had alot. she was out and on the couch/chair when we left. but oh well, its her celebration, she entitled to have her bit of fun.

^-^ i made new friends, it makes me happy! ^^

but guuh~ head hurts.

i want to make a fic post and an icon post, but i'm getting my comp formatted tomorrow. probably after tomorrow ne? since, compy's awfully empty now.

head... hurts.


1 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[05 May 2005|03:01am]
[ mood | sick ]

gee, i haven't really felt this sick in awhile. i mean, mentally i'm fine, physically its so uncomfortable in places.

my back hurts, like the inside of it. basically i'm in the strange pain/strain from chest down. and my stomach's feeling really funny. its been like this for a couple of days and i think i just felt worse after dinner, and in case you're wondering, its 3 am in the morning now and dinner would have wore off. when i got home after dinner i literally collapsed on my bed, good thing i decided to take a cab, or i would have put myself through alot more pain. i woke up a while later though and the pain is still here.

the last time i remember a back/stomach/chest discomfort like this was when i was in australia, that one was really bad. and before it got really painful it was well, like this. i think i'm pretty worried, lets hope it goes away in a bit.

my head hurts as well, in a different way. its just sharp, sudden jolts of pain like electricity, if not nothing. and on top of that, i haven't stopped coughing.

i haven't done my homework cause i can't be bothered right now. i think i'm going to bed.

19 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

one of those days... [29 Apr 2005|05:55pm]
[ mood | tired ]



nagging cramps.


... one of those days. damn.

[29 Apr 2005|02:18am]
[ mood | contemplative ]

someone once asked me, "what is love?"
i told him, "i don't know."

you cannot touch it, you cannot feel it, you cannot grasp it, you can barely understand it.

so what is it that makes it what everyone wants?

it hits you before you know it, it spins you around its little finger, its the long walks by the beach, suprising fireworks in the sky, its the kiss you share with someone else, its the snacks that you feed each other, its the smile that you want to see everyday.

its the unexplainable numbing pain that you have, the nagging loneliness, the silent tears, the occasional hate, the unanswered questions, the hand you'll never hold again, the voice that will never call your name the same way again.

its the sudden urge to cry at everything and nothing at all, because when you feel all these, you know you're truly, alive.

love is unpredictable. you never know what it will give you, what it will take away from you.

until now, i'd still say "i don't know."

5 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[26 Apr 2005|03:07am]
[ mood | amused ]

Ning-chan and i were talking about how random interviewers like to call Tetsu, Tet-san.
and then, Ning-chan mentioned how Tet-san mispronounced could end up being Tit-san.


ROFL! ^___________________________________^

great, i'll never read laruku stuff the same way again.
oh, Ning-chan stepped on a poor dead lizard and i almost puked my guts out and how when she stepped on it, it momentarily got flatter and its eyeballs were gonna fall out. like huge round eyes staring at you. yuck. i don't like lizards.

i spoke to Kristin a little on Aol. lol, i'm glad i got Aol, thanks to Tali.
i'm glad i get to speak to Kristine. she brightens my day. :) *kiiiiisu*

10 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[25 Apr 2005|02:55am]
[ mood | calm ]

would you join a band whose members you've never met before? this weird guy, whos friend to the bassist of my band leader's previous band. ahh, see how far it goes?
sou, he text msged me to ask me to join his band, just because they're gonna do larc covers. its the 2nd time he offered me something like this. he's supposed to be some vocalist. and i'm a vocalist too, why the hell do you need another vocalist when you're already one? i don't know what he's trying to pull but i'm fine with my own band and i have no interest to join a band just because they're gonna do larc. so i rejected his offer and he goes like "fine, but be sure to come down to the street festival on the 4th of june with your band too."

... -.-"
what the hell was that? arrogance?
i may not be singing with the most professional or talented of people, but i love my band and i will not sing with another band. call me stuck up, but the dude doesn't strike me as someone very ethical or bright. if he was ethical, he would have tried to get someone from another band to join his own band like that, and when he's the vocalist too, he obviously thinks very highly of himself. the first text he sent me was like "i have something very impt to offer you, musically."
-.-" like he's fuckin' good, so what if he's fuckin' good? *shrugs* i've never seen him, he's only seen my face, he's never even heard me sing, i haven't seen his band and i don't even know him. 

and about the street fest, why should i go down and see them butcher my favorite band's songs? why do i invite myself there to gag. i may not be the best vocalist, but i don't think he's much either. arrogance afterall, doesn't carry you very far and it doesn't say much about you as a person, so there.

this is... HOT. HOT. HOTCollapse )</font>

okay, this will cram up your space. but i won't cut it because i want everyone to comment. i have these two dresses in mind for my sister's wedding dinner. i would like to hear everyone's opinion, as to frankly, which looks better on me.

hmm... give me your honest opinions please. ^^ i tend to lean a little more to the red one, because the color looks better on my skin i find. but the blue's pretty too. :P and please overlook how chubby by i am. x_x

55 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[22 Apr 2005|03:06am]

i have a wound on my head; a blood clot on my scalp.


18 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[21 Apr 2005|11:23pm]
[ mood | FUCKIN PISSED ]

does anyone know i am thefuckinpissed right now?!

i don't even want to explain why.


6 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[20 Apr 2005|01:23am]

okay, because everyone's doing it and i have no mood for a proper update today...

<3 You&apos;re Sakura x Hyde! <3
You're SakuraxHyde! Passionate, violent, and

Which L'Arc~en~Ciel Pairing are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

i'm sakuhai! yay. i always do these, and i always get sakuraxhyde.
i love sakuraxhyde, for valid enough reasons.
4 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[20 Apr 2005|01:05am]
[ mood | amused ]

Shinsouku~lose control...

"i dance with my lipstick once more"?? (i died then my instinct was born)

.... LOL! ^^


4 -tasted blood-[cut me through]

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]